


Falling

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-20
Updated: 2005-04-20
Packaged: 2019-05-31 03:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15111179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: But she hated him now, this time Leo was part of the problem, not the solution with loving arms.





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Falling**

**by: Montiese**

**Pairing(s):** CJ/Leo  
**Category(s):** Drama/Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** But she hated him now, this time Leo was part of the problem, not the solution with loving arms.  
**Spoiler:** _Jefferson Lives_  


“CJ?” 

She sat in her office, practically in the dark. The desk lamp created just enough light for Leo to make her out in the desk chair. The large slats of her blinds were opened, the remnants of tonight’s fireworks littered the sky. All around there were fascinated, inebriated coworkers…everyone was allowed to be a kid again on Independence Day. CJ swished the warm beer around in the bottle before bringing it to her lips. There was more where it came from if she ever found the strength to move. 

“CJ?” 

Leo stepped into the office, softly closing the door behind him. Soon someone would notice her absence. They would barrel into her office, threaten to carry her out on their shoulders if they had to. She would pretend to smile, probably letting them because there was more beer and liquor where they were and she needed to numb the pain. He knew she was in pain, more than he had ever seen. Tonight the pillar of strength CJ Cregg mask slipped completely. She was Claudia Jean, and she hurt. 

“You can talk to me CJ; all of you can talk to me.” 

“You know, silence pretty much conveys a desire not to speak.” 

Leo was taken aback by the quiet anger in her voice. He had seen her mad, sad, and once even saw her throw a rolled New York Times at Josh with such velocity, when it hit him he hit his knees. 

“We did what had to be done.” Leo said. 

“Why don’t you tell your story walking OK? I did not ask you to come here; I certainly don’t need you trying to smooth things over with me.” 

There was silence for a few moments. Leo had to collect his thoughts…this was a voice he never heard before. Even after the MS, CJ tucked her grief and anger away and defended the President nearly to the death. Would she be able to do that this time, a time when it mattered more than ever? They all had to stick together…this was a family thing. 

“Sharif was a bad guy CJ, you shouted that louder than anyone. He tried to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge.” 

“Yeah, well when I shouted it no one was listening. I was some crackpot feminista out to save the world’s women from tyranny. I was being idealistic and naïve. How did you look when you said it? Geniuses, maybe?” 

“It was a job CJ, I did not see it that way. He had to go and we had to do it.” Leo put his hands in his pockets. 

“I am so tired of being lied to. Bit by bit it crumbles the all-knowing Josiah Bartlet façade. He goes from being the guy to being just another guy. A guy who lies, and hurts, and then opens his arms to suck you back in.” 

“This job is not easy…it can change the elements of a man.” Leo said. 

“A truthful man does not become a liar overnight.” CJ replied. 

“Watch it. Don’t go someplace you can't come back from.” 

CJ finally stood and looked at him. Even in the dark, Leo could see the glare in her eyes. She had been crying, most likely angry tears. 

“Maybe I am wrong. Maybe he is still the guy. Maybe its you.” She said. 

“I’ll take the beating.” Leo said. 

“Don't you always? Do you know who many Republicans joke that you run the country Leo? Hell, do you know how many Democrats? You're the one with the military experience; you're the one who’s worked in these halls before. You are also the one whose ear has to be whispered into before he makes a move.” 

“That’s not true. Every President has a Chief of Staff. None of these decisions, the good or the bad, are made by one man. There are many to be praised or damned.” 

“Do you pull his strings…when you want something Leo?” 

“Watch it Claudia Jean.” He warned again. 

She threw her hands up; the beer bottle crashed to the floor. The revelry outside prevented anyone from hearing it. 

“I am tired of watching it.” Tears fell from her eyes. “No one watched it for me, for us. No one watched it for Zoey.” 

Leo sighed. She had every right to be upset; the fallout from the Sharif assassination turned many lives upside down. 

“Maybe you need to get out of here and sleep it off. Resignation is not an option.” 

CJ gave him a bitter laugh. 

“I can do whatever the hell I want Leo; it’s the trickle down theory.” 

She walked past him to the door, planning to get out of there as fast as her Via Spiga pumps would take her. Leo took her hold of her hand. CJ clutched her stomach as if she might vomit. 

“Get your hands off me.” She said through clenched teeth. 

“You're not thinking straight.” He said. “You're probably drunk.” 

“What the hell do you care?” 

“I care.” He whispered. 

“You can't care, remember? Let me go Leo.” 

“I can't do that anymore.” 

“Please.” It was a tortured whisper. 

Leo’s other hand ran down her arm, resting on her hip. He pushed her back against the door; his body pressed on top of hers. CJ shut her eyes when she felt his lips graze her earlobe, her neck, and then her throat. His other hand found her back. 

“Leo please.” CJ said. 

“I need you.” He whispered. She barely heard him. 

“I can't do this for you. I could possibly hate…” 

Her words were drowned out by his kiss. His tongue pushed into her mouth, massaging her own and stroking the inside of her cheek. Instinctively, CJ never forgot a thing, she ran her hand up the nape of his neck and pulled him deeper into the kiss. Leo’s hand slid up from her hip to stroke her breast. CJ moaned against his mouth. It was the first time all over again…confusion, euphoria, a slight pain, and passion. 

The first time Leo McGarry kissed her was at Debate Camp. They threw a small party for Toby and then CJ cried, alone in a tiny room. They were tears of joy, loss, and love…she didn’t know what she felt. Maybe that was why she didn’t fight it, or pretend to be strong when Leo wrapped her in his embrace. She needed to be held, and reassured, reminded that it wasn’t all over…whatever it was. 

He apologized after the kiss. No one was more shocked than CJ when the fuchsia colored blush rose to his cheeks and his hazel eyes went downcast. She laughed softly, stroking his cheek. 

“You should only be embarrassed by bad kisses, Leo.” She said, back to her confident self in a matter of seconds. 

She found a hidden power in his arms around her. That was why these scenarios were seen as moments of weakness in the both of them. Still, it had happened more than a few times since. A kiss here, a caress there, a spoken or unspoken truth left dangling in front of them. It crashed down the night they were shot at…again. 

All CJ wanted was to play poker and stand up the damn egg. Leo crept up behind her and witnessed it with his own eyes. When he placed his hands on her shoulder, CJ jumped, and the egg turned on its side. 

“Damn.” She muttered. 

“I saw it.” He said. “Though no one will believe us. It is just one of those things that you know. Are you alright?” 

“I am a little tired of getting shot at Leo.” Her voice wavered and she tried to cover it. 

“Yeah.” 

“I'm sick of men having to throw me down. I don’t need to be rescued.” 

“A human’s natural instinct says to freeze.” Leo replied. 

“That bullet was six inches from my face. If Toby hadn’t acted fast, we would not be having this conversation.” 

“None of us will ever let anything happen to you CJ, whether you have a rescue complex or not. We would line up to take bullets for you.” 

“Who’d be first.” She asked with a smirk. 

Leo massaged her shoulders. 

“I would. OK, Toby and I would duke it out. Josh would be pissed for it being assumed he wouldn’t take another bullet for a worthy cause. Sam would love to be a hero in your eyes one more time. Let’s not count out Lt. Bailey…he just got that first look of love from you tonight. The President likes to be first to do everything, Charlie loves you and is the President’s body man, so now we have the Secret Service involved. We can't help it Claudia Jean, you’re our girl.” 

CJ looked up at him and smiled. She smiled for real. 

“Thanks Leo.” 

He bent and kissed her lips, not caring that they were not alone in the west wing. 

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” He said. 

“Honestly, I don’t want…I can't be alone tonight.” She replied, hating to surrender. 

“Come home with me. I’d like nothing more than to hold you.” 

They made love that night, and every night for the next three weeks. Then CJ stopped showing up at his suite, and Leo stopped lingering near her office at closing time. Things went back to the way they always were, and no one discussed it. Except for the e-mail CJ received. 

To: daytondiva@aol.com   
From: themarksman@aol.com 

As much as we may want to, we cannot. 

L 

They slipped a couple of times, like when Zoey was kidnapped and they both reached out to each other the best way they knew how; the only way they wanted to. 

As they kissed now in her office, it seemed as if it was always supposed to be Leo. As he pressed his body to hers, CJ knew that Leo ached for her as much as she ached for him. But she hated him now, this time Leo was part of the problem, not the solution with the loving arms. He was the reason she felt the pain. While it was not all of his fault it proved there were pieces of him that would never be known to her. 

“I need you to make love to me.” She said, contradicting every thought that ran through her mind since the conversation started. 

Damn her body, but she pulled him closer to her. Any closer and they were crashing through the door. 

“How the hell are we going to get out of here?” Leo whispered in her ear. 

“You're the brains of the operation…you figure it out.” 

Leo smiled, knowing right now that was not a compliment. 

“You'll hate me in the morning.” He still played with her breast. 

CJ shook her head. 

“I’ll love you in the morning Leo. Like I have every morning for too many months to count. Don’t ever hold my weaknesses against me.” 

“As long as you promise to do the same. I love you too.” 

“Don’t say that unless you mean it, I swear to God.” 

“I mean it CJ.” He kissed her. “I’ll leave first; meet me at your apartment in 20 minutes.” 

“You'll need a key.” CJ was still flustered from the confession. 

“No I won't…don’t ask.” 

“Yeah.” 

For once, CJ let the lack of information slide. They parted with more reluctance than CJ had ever in her life. She touched his cheek and opened the door. 

“20 minutes.” She said. 

“Yeah.” 

Nodding, she watched him walk through the bullpens and out into the hallway. Feelings were feelings, and she had them for him whether she liked it or not. When was it ever easy? She was here to stay, to take the blows and the victories with her family. CJ Cregg was their girl; she was his girl. If she slipped someone would catch her before the fall. 


End file.
